


Who could want a jerk?

by Errorcode254



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Feelings, M/M, Unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-17
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2017-12-23 18:41:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/929783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Errorcode254/pseuds/Errorcode254
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two dweebs figure out that they're packing different junk.</p><p>Experimental bjs and sex. </p><p>Who doesn't love horny dweebs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Your name is Karkat Vantas And you're flushing for someone. There. You fucking admitted it. This is like alcoholics, right? Where admitting you have a problem is the first step to fixing it? Anyway, the dumb-ass that captured your attention is pretty much just a fucking douche. You're not even exaggerating. He's a fuck-tard. Obviously. He thinks he's so fucking cool. With those dumb shades. Like, how does that make him cool? The worst part is that you can't even hate him properly. You've put him in the red quadrant and you don't even know why. Or, you would have put him there. If he was interested. But no. You haven't even talked to him about it. You're just flushing like a fucking schoolgirl. Really, it's pathetic. 

Gah! Seriously? You're thinking about him again? Why? See. This is why you want to hate him. You're not supposed to think about him constantly. You're not supposed to think about him at all. He's a fucking human and they don't even have quadrants. Who doesn't have quadrants? That's just fucking stupid. And what's with those dumb fucking shades anyway? _“Ooh. I'm Dave and I think I'm just_ so _cool”._ You can't help but chuckle at your own hilarity. Yeah. That'll show him for being so fucking insufferable. 

Look at him over there. His shades covering his eyes. They're probably horrible. His stupid hair doesn't even have any colour. It sits there in that dumb way, looking all soft and weird. And look! He doesn't even have horns! You ramble for about five more minutes while you watch him, and yeah, even you stopped paying attention to yourself. Fucking Dave. Fucking _cute_ Dave. You roll your eyes and get up to stomp back to your room. 

You're about halfway there, grumbling to yourself about 'idiot cool kids' when a tap on your shoulder stops you in your tracks. You turn, a murderous look on your face, only to be confronted by Dave. Seriously? You were try to get away from the fuck-tard. 

“Oh my fuck, Dave! What? A troll can't go to his fucking room in peace? What the hell do you want?”

He's right in front of you. He's not saying a thing. Why is he not saying anything? Your pulse is getting faster and what the fuck are you supposed to do in this situation? Fuck! Is it too late to abscond? He's leaning closer to you and you can feel his body heat. He's still wearing those fucking glasses and you just want to rip them off him. He's so close now and you can almost see through his shades. Your hand moves up to grab his shades and take them off him when your hand bumps his. You look down to where your hands collided. Oh. 

He's returning a movie you'd let him borrow. Why..? He got so.. It doesn't even matter. Fucking Dave. You're pretty sure you hate him as you take the movie back. So why the hell do you still want to rip his shades off and look at his face. Shit. He's such a fucking douche-canoe. You grumble something that you don't even understand and turn to walk away, leaving him where he stands. 

Past Karkat is such a moron. Thinking that Dave was actually interested in you. And he was about to kiss him! Thank fuck you're smarter than that dickwad. You're ashamed to think about past Karkat and the stupid shit he did. Fuck this. You just really need a good rom-com right now.


	2. Time to see clearly

You saw him watching you and you couldn't help but smirk to yourself about it. He's not the best at keeping it a secret and you'd picked up on his not-so-hidden clues a while ago. You took it upon yourself to make it hell for him, and you're not even sure why. You like him too. He's cute and gets flustered so easily. What's not to like? You pretend not to notice him, watching him from the corner of your eye. He gets up to leave, obviously annoyed at something. That's not exactly strange, though. He wasn't mad when he come in, but it didn't take much to make Karkat mad. But mad Karkat was just the cutest thing. And yeah, you'd known the moment that he'd entered the room, your body sensing him immediately. He's stomping toward the door and you can't help but follow him. 

You watch him walk along, only speeding up to stop him when he was about halfway to his room. Your hand reaches to tap him on the shoulder and you nearly walk into him when he freezes on the spot. He's so close to you. If you leaned forward just a little bit, you could press your lips against his. You only realize that you've started leaning toward him when his eyes grow wider. Wow. So not cool, Dave. Your hand fumbles a little with the DVD you'd decided to return. Tingles travel the length of your spine in response to the slight touch when your hands bump. Jesus, dude. What the fuck is up with you today? All you want to do is kiss him. You're actually about to when he turns and leaves you there. You chuckle softly, turning and walking away, wishing you'd kissed him. Part of you wants to follow him and kiss him for the hell of it. Just to feel him and see his reaction to you. What would he do?

What the hell? 

You might as well find out. You turn, a bounce in your step as you follow the same path Karkat had taken. You whistle quietly as you get closer his room. Yep. You're totally doing this. You're excited about it. Your smirk becomes a grin as you stand outside his door. You consider knocking, shrugging it off after a moment and walking through the unlocked door. 

There he is. Karkat is sitting on his bed, staring at you as you burst into his room. The starting credits of some shitty romance movie are running on the TV. Or whatever trolls call it. It's actually pretty confusing, trying to remember all their words. If it looks like a TV, you'll call it a TV. You stand there looking at him, for how long, you don't even know. He hasn't moved since you got there. He's just watching you carefully, like he doesn't believe you're actually here in front of him. The look on his face says everything and you can't help but walk toward him. He seems to snap out of whatever trances he's in and stands when you reach him. You're fully intending to kiss him breathless. Well. You _were_ planning to do that. Instead, he lifts his hands and pulls off your shades. You wince at the painful brightness that's now assaulting your eyes, staring at him through the halo of light. 

He's staring at you and you're getting a little self-conscious. Yeah, even cool guys get self-conscious. When he finally speaks, it's only to mumble something about your eyes being red. His reaction is one of the reasons you wear the shades. He's still right in front of you, just looking into you your eyes. You find yourself leaning toward him again. Your gaze settles on his lips. God. You really want to kiss him right now. Would he kiss you back, or have a mental breakdown? You can just see it now. You can see him freaking out about your kiss, refusing to admit that he wanted it as much as you did. 

You can't hold back any more. Your tongue moistens your lips as you lean closer to him. Your head lowers to his, and you can feel his breath on your face. Your lips touch his, hesitantly at first, gaining confidence when you feel his lips soften beneath yours. His lips part and you push your tongue forward to flick over his lip before moving to explore his mouth. This is just what you'd wanted. And he's doing more than you'd ever imagined. He's kissing you back. 

When you finally break apart, you're both panting, having let the kiss go on for too long. Or, not long enough, as your body is indicating. You take a seat on his bed and pull him down beside you, content to watch whatever crappy romance he'd been about to watch before you burst in. 

You sit back and let him curl into you, your fingers combing through his hair gently. You were going to make him, and yourself, wait a little longer before you showed him that you were interested in him, but you definitely don't regret it. Your other hand is holding his and you let out a soft, contented sigh. He looks up and narrows his eyes at you, causing yours to twinkle, unhindered by your shades, with amusement at the look on his face. 

“I fucking hate you, Dave.”

“Yeah, yeah. I love you too.”


	3. Life with the cool kid

You're cuddled up with the insufferable prick, watching a romantic comedy that you're not really paying attention to. How could you? After Dave showed up and kissed you like that.. Well, lets just say that you couldn't think of a place you'd rather be right now. But of course, now the douche-bag is moving. Jeez. Could he be any more of an asshole? You were fucking comfortable where you were. Now you have to shift your position again. But, oh. He's running his fingers through your hair and mm. That feels nice. 

He laughs at you when you accidentally purr at his attention. Fuck. You grumble and tell him to shut up, mumbling something about him being a jerk. Seriously, he could have just pretended that it didn't happen, but no. He had to laugh about it. You grumble again and sink down into his lap, using him as a pillow. Oh. _Ohh._ His hands are back in your hair, tangling around the strands and pressing into your scalp. You're in heaven. His hands are moving around, touching you gently, almost like he's not paying attention to what his hands are doing. You're about to say something about his apparent interest in the movie when his fingers brush your horns.  

“Nnng, Dave.”

Whatever you'd been about to say is lost when a breathy moan escapes you instead. Fuck. You hadn't been expecting that. You feel Daves fingers freeze in your hair and, shit. You just wish he'd keep touching you. Your head moves and you don't even realise that you're doing it. You're moving your horns toward his hand making his fingers flick over the bases. You shudder, inhaling deeply in pleasure. You can't help it. The fucking wanker started it. Now you really just want more of his touch.  

His hands are moving again, his fingers tracing up the short length. Oh. You don't think you've ever felt anything like this. This isn't what happens when you touch your horns. This is so much better. You're pretty sure that Dave is just using your reactions as a guide of where to touch. Neither of you are watching the movie any more, both focusing on you instead. Your breathing is choppy and nothing has ever felt this good. Dave should watch movies with you every day because wow.  

He's gripping your horns tighter and, ohhh that feels good. He squeezes briefly then circles his finger around the base. What the fuck? Something soft touches the end of your small horn. It's moving now and you're trying to focus on figuring out what it is but you can't concentrate. Something happens and now you can feel warmth encasing your horn. The soft thing moves again and then something is tugging on your horn. It's pulling and you can't handle it.  

It's fast, brief tugging and you're moaning again. Whatever Dave is doing, he's doing it more enthusiastically with each noise you make. What the fuck is that fuckhead doing? You try to turn but he's holding you still. He's enjoying himself, the sick fuck. He's just lucky that you're too distracted to care. His hand strokes your other horn softly and you whimper.

It's more than you can stand. You give a deep moan and he moves faster. Your bulge has been unsheathed for a while, writhing in your pants. You hadn't even noticed until now. Right now, your bulge is moving over your pants, the friction joining the pleasure from your horns. Oh fuck. Your bulge is pulsing and you don't even have time to undo your pants. Whatever is on your horn tugs once more and you're spilling your genetic material. Oh gross. No.  

You're panting when you come back to reality, your pants are a wet mess and your horns are throbbing. Thankfully, your bulge is sheathed again. You blush and press your face into his lap as he speaks.  

“I guess they're sensitive, huh?” He's laughing as he says it. He's fucking _laughing_.  

“Shut the fuck up, you lousy fucking bulge-licker.”


	4. Taming his Temper

It started with you playing with his hair. Just idly while you watched the movie. The movie that you were, in no way, finding interesting. Then he moaned, and fuck. That's the sweetest sound you ever heard. It shocked you at first, but then all you wanted to do was cause more of that noise. Your fingers moved over his horns, exploring them. Your tongue moved over his horn, the smooth surface cool in your mouth. You closed your mouth around his horn and sucked gently. This was the strangest thing you'd ever done. So why were you getting hard?

The more noises he made, the more you moved, enjoying the reactions he had. He got louder, moans faster and closer together and you could tell when he climaxed. A loud groan, then he was slumping in your lap. He's way too close to your cock right now. His face is pressed into your inner thigh and you can feel every movement he makes, every breath he takes. You chuckle a little when you feel his breathing settle, hoping to cover how nervous you are. Nerves are _so_ uncool. You have no idea what he'll do if he discovers your erection, but you don't want to put it to the test right now. Not when you just got him. You lean into him and laugh.  

“I guess they're sensitive, huh?” You don't mean to sound so smug, but you really are proud of what you did to him.  

“Shut the fuck up, you lousy bulge-licker.”

What? What the hell is a bulge? You can pretty much work it out from what he said, but since when is it called a 'bulge'? You lift your head and tug on his shoulder gently, pulling him back so that he's looking up at your face. He's blushing, and jeez. He looks so sweet like that. You can see that he's getting angry at you for looking at him. Or at least for looking at him like you're some school girl with a crush. Oh yeah. You're a big bag of awesome today.

“Karkat.. What the hell is a bulge?”

He stares up at you like you've lost your mind. You probably should have asked someone else. Well done Dave. Really. Now you look like an idiot. You shrug like it's nothing and look back up at the TV. The movie is still playing and you're grateful to have something to pretend to focus on. He's still looking at you and you wriggle in your seat. Rolling your eyes, you look back down at him and arch a brow. He mutters something about idiot humans. Seriously? Idiot humans? How are you supposed to know what trolls call everything? You're about to argue with him about it when he grabs your hair and pulls your face down to his. His teeth barely graze your lip, replaced quickly by his lips. Fuck. His fangs are bloody sharp. Heh. You grin a little at the silent pun. Karkat pulls away when he feels you smile against his lips and looks at you like you're insane. You chuckle softly as he starts ranting.  

You probably should be paying attention to what he's saying, but he just looks adorable when he's mad. It takes all your strength to stop yourself from grabbing him and shutting him up with your lips against his. You're even tempted to call him cute, just to see what happens. It's not until you hear the word 'bulge' that you actually listen to him. Oh. _That's_ a bulge? Well that makes sense. At least you know what he was calling you now. Your face is heating up with embarrassment. Yeah. You shouldn't have asked Karkat because now you're thinking about him and his bulge.  

Karkat is in your lap, your cock has only gotten harder, and now you're thinking about doing exactly what he said. Your tongue on his... Okay, now you have to shift position again and hope he doesn't notice the boner that's almost resting on his head. This is not the situation you figured you'd be in when you visited him earlier. His rant finished and you don't remember much of what was said. He's glaring at you for moving, like you interrupted his sleep or something. Jesus. He really is fucking adorable when he's mad.  

You grin at him and shove him off your lap, chuckling playfully when he starts spewing profanities at you. He's pouting on the floor, looking up at you, and oh. If looks could kill, you'd be a bloody mess on the floor right now. You adjust your pants and get comfortable on the bed again, watching him the entire time. Yeah. Just look at him. You're pretty sure you love him.  


	5. Sometimes it has to end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as a little birthday treat for myself, I've decided to do an alternate ending.
> 
> Basically, it's my birthday present to me because Davekat is my OTP and I love them. So.. yay me? - so the next chapter is the alternate ending.

Look at him. Sitting up on your bed, looking like he owns the place. And he's grinning at you. Grinning like he just won the grand prize at a fucking carnival. He's such a fucking dick-wad. Why the fuck did he push you off, anyway? Nope. He's not going to win this time. You get up and glare down at him. He's chuckling. Why is he chuckling? People don't laugh at you. Especially when you're mad. You pap him on the shoulder, hard enough to push him onto his back on the bed. Finally. The piece of shit stops laughing. It's about time he showed some fucking respect. Flashing your teeth at him in a grin of your own, you climb onto the bed, one leg on either side of Daves body. You inch forward on his lap and something hard is poking you. Humans are fucking _weird_. Why the hell would he keep something hard where his bulge is?

You look down at his face in confusion. The idiot, naturally, just shrugs like you should expect it. What the fuck? Wait. Are humans so fucked up that their bulges are _hard?_ That's just fucking creepy. You wriggle a little and freeze. Shit. Your pants are still covered in your genetic material. Dave is looking at you, his eyes flicking between your face and your pants. He looks freaked, and hell, that's not exactly the look you wanted on his face. Screw it. You might as well continue. You squirm again, ignoring the shudder of disgust that hits you when you feel the dampness of your pants again.  

What the fuck is so hard?

Your brow creases and you look down at his pants. It's about time you checked it out. Your fingers fumble with his button and zip. When you have them undone, you look up at his face. Your bulge would have forced its way out by now. He's looking up at you expectantly, and that just pisses you off. What the fuck are you supposed to do? You push his jeans aside and tug down his boxers. Wow. _That_ is the _weirdest_ thing you've ever seen. His bulge is hard and doesn't move or wriggle or anything. You mutter about 'weird fucking humans', and look. He heard you and he's blushing. You didn't think Dave even knew how to blush.  

Your fingers stretch out and you hold his bulge loosely. It isn't moving to your touch except, oh. It pulses sometimes. Well that's okay. His jaw clenches and he hisses a breath through his teeth. Your gaze fixes on his face and your hand moves over his bulge. His red eyes pop open and they're the most gorgeous things you've ever seen. Every time you look at them you lose track of whatever you were doing. You take hints from him, moving slowly so that you don't hurt him. To be completely honest, you have no idea what you're doing. Your other hand moves down to his nook.  

_What the actual fuck?_

Where the fuck is his nook? You drop your eyes to the offending area to find... nothing. No nook. Not even a place where his nook should be. You're pretty sure you say something, but you have no idea what. You're too busy trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with Daves body. When you look up at him, he's sitting up a little, propped up by his elbows. 

“Jesus Christ, Karkat. What's wrong? Would you just shut up for five minutes? God. Just.. I dunno. Put it in your mouth or something.”

 _What?_ Put it in your _mouth_? His bulge. In your mouth? But it's so.. and your teeth.. There are so many things that could go wrong with this. You bite your lip and move your hand over his bulge again. He moans and something in your stomach flutters. Will he make that noise again if you do it? It's definitely worth trying. You move down his body slowly until you're level with his bulge. It really is the weirdest fucking thing you've ever seen. You move closer and it brushes your lips. No. That's not what happened. He's moving his hips, trying to get closer to you. You don't even think about it. You're about to yell at him when he thrusts his hips again.  

His bulge is in your mouth. You're opening your mouth wider so that you don't cut him with your teeth. You really don't want to end up with a mouthful of blood and have a screaming Dave to deal with. Carefully, you run your tongue over his bulge to make sure you haven't hurt him. He's moaning again and you freeze. He must get sick of waiting because his hands are in your hair and he's pushing your head down. You move your tongue again and he pushes you down too far. You gag, your throat opening way too wide. How is this supposed to be enjoyable?

He doesn't give you a chance, his hips moving at a speed he's set while he holds your head still. What are you even supposed to do? Your eyes are watering. He's moaning and you look up at him. His red eyes are looking down at you and you stop panicking. He's watching you and thrusting into your mouth and you're excited all over again. Fucking humans. His body tenses up, his bulge getting thicker as he pulls it from your mouth. Wait. That's it? Don't humans have genetic material? Weird fuc-

Oh now that's just fucking gross. Firstly, his genetic material is white. Who even heard of white fluids? Well, they can't even really be called that. Secondly, it's all over you. As if you weren't covered in enough of your own. You pull away from him and tear your clothes off, yelling at him as you do. He couldn't fucking warn you? Ugh. You clean yourself up and throw some new clothes on. When you turn around, Dave is sitting on the edge of your bed again, his clothes look like they weren't even touched. That fucking sucks. Why does he get to look perfect all the fucking time? Gah! Fucking _humans_.  

“So.. uh.. Does this make me your weird alien boyfriend?”

                         

You try to glare at him, but your smile breaks through. Matesprits. With Dave. That could be nice, You guess. Nodding at him, you take his hand in yours again and settle beside him to watch the last five minutes of the movie.  


	6. Bonus: Alternate Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave is a bulge-vein.

Look at him. Sitting up on your bed, looking like he owns the place. And he’s grinning at you. Grinning like he just won the grand prize at a fucking carnival. He’s such a fucking dick-wad. Why the fuck did he push you off, anyway? Nope. He’s not going to win this time. You get up and glare down at him. He’s chuckling. Why is he chuckling? People don’t laugh at you. Especially when you’re mad. You pap him on the shoulder, hard enough to push him onto his back on the bed. Finally. The piece of shit stops laughing. It’s about time he showed some fucking respect. Flashing your teeth at him in a grin of your own, you climb onto the bed, one leg on either side of Daves body. You inch forward on his lap and something hard is poking you. Humans are fucking weird. Why the hell would he keep something hard where his bulge is?

You look down at his face in confusion. The idiot, naturally, just shrugs like you should expect it. What the fuck? Wait. Are humans so fucked up that their bulges are hard? That’s just fucking creepy. You wriggle a little and freeze. Shit. Your pants are still covered in your genetic material. Dave is looking at you, his eyes flicking between your face and your pants. He looks freaked, and hell, that’s not exactly the look you wanted on his face. Screw it. You might as well continue. You squirm again, ignoring the shudder of disgust that hits you when you feel the dampness of your pants again.

What the fuck is so hard?

Your brow creases and you look down at his pants. It’s about time you checked it out. Your fingers fumble with his button and zip. When you have them undone, you look up at his face. Your bulge would have forced its way out by now. He’s looking up at you expectantly, and that just pisses you off. What the fuck are you supposed to do? You push his jeans aside and tug down his boxers. Wow. That is the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen. His bulge is hard and doesn’t move or wriggle or anything. You mutter about ‘weird fucking humans’, and look. He heard you and he’s blushing. You didn’t think Dave even knew how to blush.

Your fingers stretch out and you hold his bulge loosely. It isn’t moving to your touch except, oh. It pulses sometimes. Well that’s okay. His jaw clenches and he hisses a breath through his teeth. Your gaze fixes on his face and your hand moves over his bulge. His red eyes pop open and they’re the most gorgeous things you’ve ever seen. Every time you look at them you lose track of whatever you were doing. You take hints from him, moving slowly so that you don’t hurt him. To be completely honest, you have no idea what you’re doing. Your other hand moves down to his nook.

_What the actual fuck?_

Where the fuck is his nook? You drop your eyes to the offending area to find… nothing. No nook. Not even a place where his nook should be. You’re pretty sure you say something, but you have no idea what. You’re too busy trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with Daves body. When you look up at him, he’s sitting up a little, propped up by his elbows.

“Jesus Christ, Karkat. What’s wrong? Would you just shut up for five minutes? God. Just.. I dunno. Put it in your mouth or something.”

What? No fucking way. There is no way in hell you are putting your mouth anywhere near that thing. What the fuck does the loser think this is. He doesn’t have a fucking nook, and he has a mutated fucking bulge. Fuck. You just look at him like he’s gone insane. He’s rolling his eyes at you, like you’re some spoiled kid that won’t do something to benefit anyone but themselves. Well shit. What the fuck are you supposed to do now? There is no way you are putting anything in your mouth, because ew. So, what? You just blink at him silently, waiting for him to realise that’s not an option. He groans and sits up completely, making you shift a little because of the new position, watching you with the strangest look on his face.

Your hands move as he continues watching you, and you wish you could shrink under his scrutiny. Why do you even put up with his crap? Past Karkat is a fucking Nook-Sniffer. Dave is the biggest douche ever, but you’re on his lap. Fucking moron. You get off him and turn around, mumbling as you go to get a clean outfit to change into. You don’t hear him move. Not until his hands are pulling your wet jeans off. Fuck. What the hell is he even doing? You turn to face him, kicking your pants off as you do.

You can feel your skin sizzle with the heat of his stare as his eyes move over your half naked body. Your bulge is still in its sheath, squirming in place. The fuck? He’s just looking at you. Actually, no. He’s staring at you. You’re naked and your bulge is squirming in arousal and all he can fucking do is stare at you? Oh, no. Fuck that.

“What, you take my pants off and all you can do is stare at me like a fuck-wad? I thought you were Mr 'I have a plan for everything’?”

You take a step toward him, tugging your slightly damp sweater over your head as you do. You’re right in front of him now, completely naked, and your bulge is trying to unsheathe itself. Maybe moving closer to him wasn’t such a good idea. You’re about to laugh at him and finish getting dressed when his hand reaches toward you. Shit. Can you wimp out of it? His fingers brush your stomach and – well fuck. Your bulge forces itself out, moving to where his fingers are touching your stomach. You hiss a breath through your clenched jaws when your bulge tries to wrap around his fingers. He snatches his hand away, moving it against your bulge. Your moan is deep and you barely recognise your own voice.

His eyes widen when he looks up at your face and you give him the same shrug that he gave you. You can’t fucking help it if you’re turned on. Fucking loser. His hand slowly comes back to touch your bulge and you tense, only allowing it a small amount of movement as he runs his fingers over it hesitantly. Oh fuck. Why does this feel so fucking good? You pull him closer to you, your hands moving over his back as his fingers move lower. Your bulge is thrashing against your stomach, hating the loss of his fingers, but not wanting to stop him from his current movements. His fingers are brushing against the lips of your nook, and why have you never done this before? Fuck.

“Uhhm.. Karkat? Why do you have a pussy?”

“A what? You fuckbag. It’s a fucking nook and all trolls have them.”

What kind of wanker doesn’t know what a fucking nook is? Idiot. Piece of shit. Piece of shit that had better not stop what he’s doing or you’ll cut his bulge off. His fingers are slowly sliding into your nook while his thumb presses gently into the base of your bulge. Fuck. How does he even know how to do that? You didn’t even know that was a thing.

His hand is moving. Fuck. Why is it moving? Didn’t you just say that there would be hell to pay if it did? He’s grabbing you and pushing you toward the bed. You start to argue but he just puts a hand over your mouth and bites down on your neck softly. Your body feels like jelly and you fall back on the bed without complaint when he pushes you.

Oh, sweet fuck on a platter.

He’s lowering himself onto the bed above you. What the fuck is this bulge-vein even doing? Ugh. You’re so out of your depth. You move your hands to his hips, not knowing what else to do with them. His bulge presses against your nook and your back arches. Okay, this you can deal with. His stomach presses into your bulge and it moves against him as he thrusts his hips forward.

_Oh mother fucker!_

His bulge pushes deeply with his movement, and you’re pretty sure you weren’t designed for this. You let out a (very manly) noise at the pain it causes. Humans are fucking weird. Bulges are not meant to be hard. They’re meant to wriggle and work their way inside a nook carefully. Sweet fuck. He’s not moving, letting your body settle and relax as much as it can with something hard stuck in your nook. Actually.. This doesn’t feel all that bad any more. You lift your hips and something lances through your body. There’s a twinge of pain as his bulge moves over your sensitive flesh, but it’s over powered by something else. You move again, slowly. There it is again. He’s panting and you look up at him. He’s not doing anything.. Why is he panting?

He’s watching your face and you give a tentative smile. Your bulge wriggles against your bodies and you almost let another moan free. He’s sweating and it’s almost like he can’t help himself. He moves, his hips tilting as he thrusts them. It’s such a strange feeling. Like you’re building toward something, but you have no idea what. His body is rubbing against your still moving bulge and the moan escapes, loud and deep. He’s letting out soft noises of his own and that eases you a little. You’re not as worried about embarrassing yourself when he’s making the noises too.

His pace quickens and it’s getting harder to breathe. He’s moving against you, pulsing inside your nook and you can feel everything. Your nook tightens and the pressure in your lower stomach is too much for you to handle. You barely even have time to groan in pleasure before your bulge is pulsing and spilling your genetic material over you both. You’re panting, and your nook is squeezing his bulge. He moans and you blush as he spills his fluids in your nook.

He collapses on top of you, panting against your neck. Your eyes close and you could have fallen asleep with him if it weren’t for the disgusting slimy feeling of your fluids. You shift, trying to ignore it but moving only increases the feeling.

Ugh.

You groan and push him off you, wincing at the pain in your previously unused muscles as you sit up. He arches a bro at you and you really want to hit him right now.

“So.. Uh.. Does this make me your weird alien boyfriend?”

Hm. Matesprits with Dave. You think about it for a minute, your face breaking out in a smile as you do. Yeah. That could be fun. You guess. That means more of what just happened, right? Hells yes. Matesprits sounds so great right now.

“Yeah. But don’t expect to get everything your way. Now get your stuff and get cleaned up. You’re disgusting.”

**Author's Note:**

> Send me prompts at nopethefuckout.tumblr.com


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